Blessed;

Confession #2;

I don't take all these pictures. I steal them from tumblrs.

I Can Read
Just A Wild Thought

^^ Those tumblrs. Sometimes I add text, sometimes there's already text. Sometimes I leave it just the picture. :)

No more online math homework;

And just like that, my night got a whole lot better. :)

We got it brighter than what anyone's told you;

I'm very lucky to have you in my life...

...even if you're not mine yet.

Money, fame, and fortune never could compete;

I got me a pretty dress. :) This makes me happy.

Dear Little Brother;

You're the reason I don't think about all the broken pieces I have inside.
You make me smile, especially when no one else can.
You light up my world.
You're the one I can tell almost everything.
You make me keep fighting.
You make me forget that my face is scarred, and instead think I might be pretty.
You make me forget that I have a horrible past and that makes me free.

I'm so lucky to have you.

You are more;

Life won't throw you favors without you working for them, so don't expect it too.
People are going to leave, so if they don't want to stay, don't force it.
Don't be depressed over any person. It's not worth it.
Say what you mean, if they can't stay your friend when they know the truth, it's okay.
Don't worry about money.
Sometimes you fall down. Get back up.
Look for good things.
Beautiful smiles are everywhere.
You are beautiful. 
Music influences your brain. Listen to good music.
Read your bible.
Pray, God is your best friend.
Your favorite color is everywhere.
You light someone's world up. Find out who that is.


You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. <3

Secret #15

I don't worry 'cause;

Secret #14

Dear creeper;

Clearly, I don't want to talk to you. Leave me alone. Thanks.

Dear Kitty;

I know I've lined up about five different potential brothers-in-law for me, but let's add Luke to the list. ;)

Confused.

You still give me butterflies;

I miss you. So much.

"I love you over the rainbow."

Ehehehe.. I miss my buddy. :\

Those little men won their baseball tourney. :) Happy.
One of them hurt himself in the process. :( Sad.

Such good Demonsss;

The demons arrived, offensive and vile

Cursing and blaspheming God

followed by their 'trophies' dead and gone

Hitler, Napoleon, Pharaoh, Capone,

Tormented and vexed and grieved,

waiting for their judgement from the throne

Then a chill swept through the mammoth crowd

And the demons squealed in glee

As a sordid, vulgar, repulsive essence was felt.

Arrogantly prancing, hands held high, draped in a sparkling shroud

trolled by demons, Satan ascended from Hell.

"Now here's the rules."

"You'll be wounded for transgression, bruised for iniquities." 

When he said, "by his stripes they're healed", the devil shook.

He screamed, "sickness is my specialty, I hate that healing junk."

And God said, "you shut your face! I wrote the book."

"And I know you know the rules.

You've been twisting them to deceive my people for years."

Satan cried, "I'll kill you, Christ! You'll never win this fight!"

The demons wheezed, "that's right, there ain't no way!"

Satan jeered, "you're dead meat, Jesus. I'm gonna bust you up tonight!"

Jesus said,"go ahead, make my day."

And all I want in this whole life is you;

You, you, you, you, you!

I miss that song.

So;

I don't even know what to post ahah.. Uh, so.
All skits went really well today, thank God.
Ian calls me and my buddy (Owen) had to go to the ER? What the heck?
He's gonna be okay. :)
People keep chatting me on Facebook and I don't wanna chat with them! :(
My creeper will not. stop. texting me.
I miss my buddies. :(
Ryan won't be at church tomorrow.
Tom has homecoming tonight! :D He's adorable haha.
No work this weekend! Thank you, Lord!

Confession #1;

I was and still am a Jesse Mccartney junkie. I lovelovelove most of his old stuff, although I don't really like any of his new stuff.

Just so you know.
She's no you.
Beautiful Soul.
Why don't you kiss her.
It's over.
Because you live.
Don't go breakin' my heart.
Second star to the right.
When you wish upon a star.


Love.

Today;

Curling up on the big bed, wrapped up in my best friend's big sweater, fan on high, Survivor, Star Wars...

Then work. :\

No wonder I always think something bad will happen.

'Cause something always does.

This isn't karma;

I need to retrain myself to think positively. 'Cause right now everything is going pretty good, so I can't help but think something bad is right around the corner.

This isn't karma. Enjoy the good.

Secret #13

Silly;

I want to be silly with you. <3

Just you;

I have been here many times before;

Be my friend

hold me

wrap me up

unfold me

I am small

and needy

Warm me up

and breathe me.

Kufu. Kafre. Tutankhamen.Thutmose III. Hapshetsut. 470 ft. Delta. Memphis. Cairo. Pyramid. Sphinx. Hypostyle hall. Nische. Atenkhamen. Anubis. Kemet Deshret.

I am so confused.

I need a reason to believe;

I once was lost, but now I'm found.

My baby sister;

-She names her hands.
-She hates it when I pick her up.
-Her favorite show is Oswald.
-She's better with the iPad than I am.
-She has achondroplasia dwarfism.
-She is so completely beautiful.
-She throws hissy fits, similar to mine.
-She loves frozen fruit.
-She's constantly banging her sweet head.
-She loves the "boys", which are our baby kitties.
-When she runs to meet me at the door, my heart turns into jelly.
-Her smile is the most amazing thing in the world.
-She is the cutest thing in my life.

I would give up anything for this little girl. She's the brightest spot in my day. :)

I'm just your average brown-eyed girl;

but you're the cutest thing I've ever seen. :)

Dear creeper;

Yes, I got your text. No, I don't really wanna reply. Stop resending the same text. Thanks.

My sister made me a rap;

I don't like my math teacher
and I got me a creeper
My teacher don't let me ask questions
And I don't like doing math lessons.


Love my sister. :)

Know you didn't bring me out here to drown;

I love this song, Storm (by Lifehouse). And no, Dewey, I don't care how much you pick on me for loving Lifehouse. Last three lines of this song totally relax me, no matter what.

I know everything will be all right
everything's all right, yeah
everything's all right.

Ian;

Told you he's abusive. :P

Beachyy;

Yess, I do love beach days. :)

It's late, I'm tired, and I got no makeup. This is me. :)

Love my life;

Church. Wendys. Mcdonalds. Tailing Jonny. Beach. Windy. Salty water. Sandy hair. Volleyball. My silly, silly friend. Good talks. Drama practice. SYATP rally. Prayers. Happiness. Singing. Tears. Sisters. Singing. Sleep. <3


I wish it was like this every day.

No one's committed. No one actually thinks about their actions. Everyone just does whatever they want to when they want to. Everyone makes excuses.

I'm tired of making excuses and hearing them from other people.

You feel like home to me;

<3

Dear Head;

Your aches are getting a little over eager. They need to calm themselves before I take them to the doctor.

Lifeguards are awesome;

Despite my earlier posts, I must say that I lovelovelove lifeguarding and I love being able to say that's my job. It's a super cool job, but also, I think the rescues I participated in this summer were life-changing for me.
It's super amazing to know that you helped someone live. :)

Things I think about while lifeguarding;

1. What time is it?
2. How much longer do I have?
3. Hmm.
4. None of these boys are as cute as he is. <3
5. Aw man, I have to do homework when I go home.
6. I'm tired.
7. God's awesome.
8. God, help me stay awake.
9. I am bored out of my mind.
10. Let me make up some photography that I would do if I wasn't sitting in this chair all the time.
11. Nope, not even he's as cute as that one boy. :D
12. Story. What kind of story can I make up?
13. Now I'm going to make up a movie trailer for it.
14. Ugh, I could be doing so much homework right now.
15. How many songs can I sing under my breath?
16. God is awesome.
17. How many bible verses can I say?
18. Wow, it's hot.
19. Get out of the pool, patrons. Before I beat you.
20. Time to go homee!

Mental Battles;

I've gotta say, every single Saturday shift as a Lifeguard is a mental game. It's a game to see how long I can go without wanting to drown myself. About 6 hours in, I usually think I'd rather go home to Jesus than on earth lifeguarding that darn pool. Sadly, my shift is 8 hours. So, it doesn't end there. At that point, it's a battle.

I hate Saturdays.

Finally fixed the time on my blog posts;

That was really bothering me. :)

Why are there so many unanswered questions?

• Why can't men hold open doors for little girls on crutches?
• Why can't heavyset be beautiful too?
• Why do men have to smoke, drink and cuss (preferably at the same time) to be cool?
• Why don't people walk up randomly and compliment someone?
• Why is it weird to have a best friend of the opposite gender?
• Why can't you have more than one best friend?
• Why do people hate other people for their beliefs?
• Why can't brown eyes and brown hair be just as beautiful as blue eyes and blonde hair?
• Why is there racism?
• Why do people twist other peoples' words?
• Why do people get offended so easily?
• Why do women have to look a certain way to be acceptable?
• Why do too many people lose faith?
• Why doesn't anyone care enough to ask if you're really okay?
• Why do people lie?
• Why isn't forgiveness more important than having the last word?
• Why aren't people more careful with sarcasm?
• Why don't people think before they speak?
• Why do things fall apart when they were so good to begin with?

Secret #12

It's the way you look when you're all a mess

Coming home from trying to give the world your best

And your heart just beating right out of your chest

'Cause you'd never give it up

It's the way you smile when there's no reason to

And how around you I could never be blue

The way there's nothing you can't do

Yeah, boy, that's the good stuff.

:)

I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say;

Dear friend who always cares,

You build me up.

You make me so happy. I can't even tell you, no matter how many words I say, how much lighter I get when I'm around you. It's because you listen. You may not always understand, but you listen. You let me scream, vent, cry, yell, and be my depressive self, but that smile never leaves your face even when my anger lashes out at you for no reason.

You're always there, even when you think you're not. You crack me up, even if it's something that no one else in the whole world would laugh at. Worries and stress go running out the window as soon as you come around.

A thousand thank yous wouldn't be enough. You're different. I don't know how you do it, but you give me so much hope that there's actually good people out there who care and don't pass by when they see someone in pain.

Love, the little me who loves you. :)

Dear friend who blames,

You break me down.

You're not fair to me. Every time we have problems, it's always clearly my fault. You make me feel like a very screwed up, worthless individual when you get in one of those moods. You put me through cycles that I should have been over years ago. You've pushed me back to the edge that I turned away from so long ago, and made me have to run away from it again. It's so hard to have to go back there.

But guess what? I have worth. I am fixed. Jesus paid it all.

But I know you can be a good friend. I've seen it. I know how awesome you are. I know how much God loves you and how much I love you. It's funny how that works. It's funny how I know you might be the only person who can really understand.

You've helped me in the past, why are you ruining it now?

Love, the little me who still loves you.

Every time;

You get me. You take care of me. And I love that.

Don't you know?

I'd hate my life if I didn't have you. 

Secret #11

You're not perfect, but you're perfect for me. :)

I miss the sound of your voice;

Wes;

I kinda miss you. :/

Secret #10

Just a little dose of yo' face
would make my night so great.
:)

When that miracle comes, 'cause you're answer's yes;

I will praise You all of my days

But when Your wisdom declares that a No is what's best

I will praise You just the same.

Little Heartbreak;

So, Ian's been bugging me to show him something that I wrote, and I think I like this one enough to share it with all of y'all.
I wrote this.. kinda for myself, but mostly for any of you ladies out there who've been through hard times. We tend to look at every broken part of us as negative. Granted, we need to let the Lord do his repair work, but every broken part of you is beautiful. It's okay to be broken.

All your pieces are so beautiful.

Little Heartbreak

She’s a little heartbreak that’s gone too far

She’s a wound that took too long to scar

And she’s too much time that’s passed without a laugh

And she’s gonna fall down, but she won’t let you see

‘cause she wants to preform so perfectly

And she’s built a shell that few would care to crack

(chorus)

She’s fallen

She’s broken

But all her pieces are so beautiful

She’s crying

She’s hiding

But every part of her is beautiful

So beautiful

Tonight

And she hates those words more than anything

And she’ll never let you hear her sing

She can’t control the moments that she cries

And she’s selfish, but she doesn’t like to talk about herself

‘cause she doesn’t really know how that would help

she can’t see the truth, she’s covered in lies

(chorus)

And you’d never guess it

but she feels so helpless

and she doesn’t know how she’ll make it out

but she’ll make it out

(chorus)

She’s been made whole

Tonight

So. There ya go. It's already been revised several times, and it probably needs a lot more, but enjoy. :)

Secret #9

This;

Is what I love. <3

I waited 'til I saw the sun;

Don't know why I didn't come.

I don't think you know how much I hate that;

But I do.

Still fighting;

Free fallinggg;

I'm free fallin'

'cause I wanna be your wife

so I can free fall

for the rest of my life

Dear guys;

Tonight, I was watching a Christian comedian and pastor. I've been learning to be the woman of God that I need to grow into if I ever want to have a chance at a marriage or even a chance at any kind of friendship. The respect part is probably the most difficult for me, because although I deeply respect most of the men in my life, I never let them know.
There's three of you in particular that I gotta write something to:

Aaron,
You're super awesome. I don't give you enough respect for the position you hold, and I apologize for that. I know that I've known you for years, and you're really more like an older brother, a best friend, than a pastor to me and it's a hard barrier for me to jump over, but I should work on it. I deeply respect the love you have for the Lord, your faith, and your desire to help the students.
You've changed my life, really. And I can't thank you enough.


Ryan,
I treat you like, for lack of a better word, crap. I don't let you know how much I've appreciated everything you do for me. But believe me, I'm super grateful. I've watched you grow so much since just January, not even a year ago! God's shaping you into a great person, don't worry about his methods! His plans are different than ours. I'm getting off track, but my point is that I'm proud of you!
I love you. God has great plans for you. Keep going.


Ian,
Oh, this one's a hard one. You know me, I'm used to winning. But tonight, I'm not gonna win, so it's okay. And I know, I've apologized for this before. But I rip into you, more than I would like. Most of the time, I'm kidding. And I know you know it. But I also know that I overdo it. I think I'd probably hate you if you teased me as much as I do you.
Honestly, I'm super happy to have met you. God's going to make you into an amazing man. You're already a great kid, and I'm impressed by how much you've allowed the Lord to do through you.
Thank you for always being there with a scripture, I love that. And I won't doubt you when you say you'll do something anymore. ;)

Love, love, love, love, loveee,
Phoebe

Secret #8

So truee;

Secret #7

I love it when Tom texts me;

For no reason. I love my bestfriendd. :)

And I miss you;

Body and soul so strong

that it takes my breath away.

And I love you

Whether it's wrong or right. <3

Pain, pain, go away;

I hate drills. For real, all we did was tread water with an 8 pound weight for 15 minutes, but my leg hurts so bad. I can't even walk on it.

And for all you guys out there who think you have it way worse? Don't come near me. I would just love to show you how much pain I'm in right now.

Last thing I wanted to do was work today;

But actually, it wasn't that bad. Shannon and I are getting along pretty well, and it's really cool to spend time with her. Ryan's super funny too, and John came in to work for me an hour early.
So, it's not so bad when you have super guards. :)

Of all the things I felt but never really showed;

Perhaps the worst part is that I ever let you go.

I should've never let you go.

Some part of every day;

Has to be good, in some way.

I won't go home without you;

Hard to believe it

It's not over tonight

just give me one more chance

to make it right.

I may not make it through the night

But I won't go home without you.

Secret #6

Today was horrible, but when I heard someone mention you, I couldn't help but smile. :)

No. I can't work Saturday. Please. I just want a Saturday that I actually look forward to.
For once.

Exhaustion;

I am so tired, all I can think about all day is sleep.

Secret #5

I can think of about a hundred reasons for me to stop loving you. But the reasons to keep loving you are the ones that scream the loudest.

So those are the ones I listen to.

I hate it when people ask me about the plane crash;

I feel rude because I clearly don't want to talk about it.

None of this math makes sense;

Where's Ian when I need him?
Oh right, he's in Daytona. ;)

Secret #4

I'm afraid when I hear stories of husband and wife, there's no happy endings, no Henry Lee. But you are the greatest thing about me.

This;

Is beautiful. :)

Patience;

Is, sadly, a virtue that I seem to be lacking in. Ergo, all of my good friends have a tremendous, and I mean freakin' amazing, amount of patience. At least with me.
Tom: For real, he has to deal with me almost every week. Poor kid. That he even texts me at all is incredible.
Ryan: He's learned to have patience when I freak out on him.
Owen: He's a lot like me, so he's not the king of patience, but he understands and rarely will  he snap at me.
Ian: I don't think I've dealt any of these people more than I've dealt him. And yet he's still there with a prayer and a verse? Crazy.
Rachel M.: She must dread texts from me now. But she's still going.
Jesus: Clearly, He is the creator of patience. If anyone did what I do to Him to me? Heh. Forget them. But He's not like that. And thats what gets me through, every day.

Secret #3

Even though I must've seen you walk into the room a thousand times, you still give me butterflies.

If we really had chill pills;

I'd be a drug addict.

Goodnight;

-You're busy.
-You're upset.
-You're upset at me.
-You're the best, but I don't want to bother you.
-You're so sweet but I hate complaining to you.

So God, what's up?

Oh, that's funny;

I just don't get how someone can do something to me and expect me not to get mad, then if I do the same thing to them, they suddenly reserve the right to get really angry.

Man, I am in such a bad mood. I need to go take a chill pill.

Patronss;

Me: I think I'm gonna close the pool slide down, I'm really thirsty. Okay, I'm gonna close it and get a drink.
I put the cones in front of the slide and walk away. I come back for a second, still without my drink, and there's a man and his son at the top of the slide asking if they can go down.
Preferred response: No. No, there's cones in front of the slide. Sir, there are cones in front of the slide. The slide is closed. Sir. Hey moron! Do you not see the CONES in front of the SLIDE?
Actual response: "Sir, the slide is closed, but I will let you go down once."


Man 2: "My daughter lost her hair piece in the pool! Ma'am, my daughter lost her hairpiece!"
Preferred response: What do you want me to do, drain the pool? I'm the only lifeguard out here!
Actual response: "Well, uh.. sorry?"


Cattie: "Hey buddy, you can't swim in the deep end."
Son: "Okay."
Man 1 (the man who tried to use the slides): Even if there's no one in there?"
Cattie: "Yes."
Man 1: "You're stupid. You're just being stupid."
Cattie's preferred response: Get out.
Actual response: (Sarcastically) "Sor-ry."
^^ I love her.

And now I'm picking up the pieces;

Nope, not gonna be upset over it. Not gonna be upset. No. Nope. Ugh. No more complaining, just ignore it, Phoebe. Just ignore it.

I'm spending all of these years
putting my heart back together.

Changing;

I know it's not going to be the same. Duh. And I'm not going to change into someone I don't want to be over this, but it is just a little frustrating.

Go be happy. For real, I mean it. :)

My life just got about 10x cooler;

Just met the Nugent with my middle name. Only he spells it differently, Barrett Nowell Nugent. And oh my lanta, may I mention that he's really smart? Like all the rest of that family? Yeah, he's really smart. And funny. And God-led.. what is it with this family? I love them to death.

Anyway, one more Nugent down, two more brothers and one sister to go. :)

Hello, is it me you're looking for;

Tell me how to win your heart,
for I haven't got a clue.

Dear RachelMarie,

I was thinking about you just now, obviously, since I'm writing this. Just wanna let you know that I am amazed and pleased at how much you've grown since I met you and just in this past year.
I know you still have things to work on, but keep growing.
Loveyou.

They're all I needed;

Finally smiled again. It's weird to go an afternoon, night, then morning without smiling.
Jesus, Owen, Ian, RachelH., RachelM., Tom, Ryan, thank youuuu.

Still praying for the survivor of the plane crash. Oh great, I have to go back there tomorrow. Not really looking forward to that.

Still I know, I'm never alone;

All I wanted was to be down there;

Now I'm glad I wasn't.

Oh, dear God;

One of the men died. I don't know which one. But... he's dead. 

Update 2: Plane Crash

The airplane was fairly small, only two victims, and they were flying extremely low to the ground. Nobody knows if it was engine failure or just flying too low. Both men have life threatening conditions.


You can read about it at the DeLand Becon online website. But it really doesn't have much more information than I have.

Update: Plane Crash.

So, apparently my "big brother" knows all. And I quote "Two men 70's to 80's, one taken by ambulance the other air lifted... apparenly hit the phone lines on 92? Parts of the wing are on the road."

And yes, they did hit the phone lines, by the way. He says he thinks they're both alive.

So I was thinking of something amusing to post while working today;

But the last thing I want to do right now is laugh.


Today, I was working family swim. Just another long, hot boring shift. I was giving this little girl a swim test and I hear a huge crash. Sounds like... I don't even know. A semi breaking apart? Turns out, an airplane had crashed just down the road.


So here's what I know:
Rae was sitting in her chair and these ladies came out to the pool and sat right in front of the gate we use for emergencies, to bring the ambulance in. She was thinking, "I probably should tell them to move so the ambulance can come in". She had a feeling something was going to happen, but she thought it would be in the pool. Ryan turned to look at her and they both heard woosh-woosh-woosh and the crash and saw smoke go up like a pillar. One of the ladies on the pool deck actually saw the crash.
I was still in the frickin' pool. I didn't even hear the woosh, all I heard was the crash. I had no idea what was going on. I saw the splash pad go down and I thought maybe something had broken in there.
To make a long story shorter, it wasn't the splash pad. We closed the whole YMCA due to power outage. An ambulance drove away with lights but no sirens (for anyone who doesn't know, that usually means the victim is dead). A helicopter came and airlifted someone else. Gratefully, that most likely means they were alive, I just hope they're still alive.
As to what caused the crash, how many people are actually dead, whether any cars were involved (the plane crashed directly on 92), or how many survivors there are, I have no idea. If I find out, I'll post again.
It was so close to the Y, that could've been us. The patrons, the lifeguards. Us. Thank God, everyone at the Y is safe, as far as I know. I'm so freaked out right now, I can't really even talk and I feel all weak. It's no easy thing to see something like that.


Bottom line? Pray. God is our best healer.

So, remember what I said about my horrible attitude yesterday? Sorry 'bout that guys. I can be quite a bit dramatic.
And thanks to everyone who helped. I love you. :)

I'm still hanging on;

So uh. God?
I fail. I fail at life. I fail at making friends. I fail at keeping them. I kinda fail at the whole love life thing too. Okay, I really, really fail at that. I fail at sports. I fail at math. Miserably.
And this hurts.
But God, I know you're the author and perfecter of my faith. So perfect mine, please. 'Cause there's no one else who can take your place. I know you're the one who makes me lie down and sleep in peace. Please give me rest.
I give you all that I am.

This time all I want is you;

I'm sick of being the good little girl. But it's all I know. And it's all I really want to be, deep down.

Just love the good little girl, if you can. She's not as perfectly happy as she seems.

I feel.. funny.

And I'm not getting on FB right now, so I can't even talk to my "little brother" and best friend. I want him to come home.

I don't get this;

Math is really, really hard.
I'm frustrated with everything right now.
I hate school.
I haven't seen the gremlins who make me happy in a week and a half. And it shows.
I have the crappiest attitude today.
Tomorrow is my 8 hour shift. Again.
I hate Saturdays now.
Matt's here, and I can't even be happy.


Freak this. I'm going to play frisbee.

If you're not for me;

I better get him, 'cause I just gave up a lot.
Lord, your will be done.
Please. My will honestly sucks.

Torture;

I hate math so much. Why don't I understand it? I feel like I should. It makes me feel like a frickin' moron. :(

He always calms me down;

I don't know why.
Maybe because I feel like I got nothing on him.
Maybe because he just knows what to say.
Maybe because he maintains a calm exterior.
Maybe because he's my best friend?

I love you, Thomas Michael Coulter.

Psalm 30:5;

"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning."