Talked to my Jesus for I don't even know how long;

His response?
Silence. The most beautiful, perfect silence, with the most precious presence filling me up. I don't even want to talk, listen to music, nothing. In fact, typing is breaking this beautiful silence, but I have to tell you.


Guys, I'm broken. Just in case you haven't noticed from reading all the junk I post. (Seriously, why do I even post all this?) I'm so broken. But it's mainly selfishness. I know what I want, but when it's not what God wants, geez. We fight all the time. 
I mean, I have this boy, right? Okay, he's not mine yet, but he's "mine". And it's not like God is saying, "no, you can't have him", he's just saying, "that should not be your priority right now". How right he is!
I'm also taking 16 credits at school. Ugh, sometimes I seriously just want to quit. What do I care about an AA, I just want to have babies. For real.
And, friend problems. Sometimes I get really heavy-laden with all the world's problems and everything that goes on and everyone I try to help and can't. Then I break down and wonder why no one notices. Today, I went through my phone contacts, trying to find someone, anyone, who I could call for help. Because this was one of the rare times that I knew I needed help, and I would've been willing to accept it. But there was no one. I knew none of the people would have the time, or (most of them) the interest. So I didn't call. I just asked God for someone to help me. Anyone.
(Reflectively, why was I not smart enough to ask Jesus to help me? I am such an idiot.)
So, tonight at 9:58 PM, Barrett Nugent called me. And I've never talked to him on the phone before, okay? So I was y'know, nervous since I hate phone conversations most of the time anyway. I really wasn't sure how much help he would be. Seriously, he's a boy, I'm a girl, and I barely know him.
But this is what he said, the hour he spent telling me what to do summarized:
"Phoebe, don't give up hope. I know it's hard (long story about himself which was super helpful, but not to be gone into detail about), but God is always there. I know you don't want to ask for help sometimes, because you don't want people to see your weakness, but your weakness shows God's strength. Trust me, I've been there. We try to go through life too fast, then we trip and skin our nose and skin our knees, and then we ask 'why?'. But God is always willing to pick us back up again. Focus on him, because only he can satisfy."
"Focus on him. Only he can satisfy." Exactly what Jesus has been trying to get through my lame little head for the past... oh, 17 years or so. In short, God used my not-so-great request to turn my eyes back to him. This doesn't mean I should keep asking for people to run to, but it does show the power and the love and the compassion of an Almighty God.
What an amazing God I serve. <3