Content;

Tonight, I am content. I'm not excited or ecstatic or sad or angry or unhappy.

Just content.

Boys;

No matter how much I fail and how much I messed up, I won at life when I met these kids.

They have no idea how happy they get me. :)

This smile;

Did not show up at my school today. It's all the freaking way in North Carolina. Missing.


IMissYou, buddy.

Why Do You Love Me So Much?

I'm just your average girl.

Who hides away from the world.

Who's had her heart broken one too many times.

Who's looked death in the face and said "bring it".

Who hears your "you're beautiful" and still can't see it

Who looks around the room and wonders how she's still so lonely.

Who gives her heart away.

Who sings songs all the way through midnight.

Who looks at you and says "don't ever let me go".

Let's not fit in together.

We can not fit in together;

I miss you so much. Come back. :(

I can't find my rings;

Lost my friendship rings and promise ring. Again. It's so hard to keep track of them when I have to take them off to lifeguard. Ugh. Where are you, stupid rings?

Lonely was the song I sang, 'til the day you came;

Half of my heart's got you. <3

You're so good to me;

Thomas Michael Coulter, you have no idea how grateful I am to you.
Owen Michael Nugent, you'll never know how much I love everything you do for me.
Ian Taylor Nugent, you'd never guess it, but I think you're amazing.
Rachel Marie Hehre, you don't know how much I appreciated that.
Ryan Alan Webster, thank you for pushing through it.
Elisabeth Catlin Brunnig, thank you for always being there to come back to.
Aaron Sweigart, you changed my life.


I love you. <3

It's the way you keep me needing you;

Thank you for saving me from myself. <3

Save Me;

No, for real. Why. :\

And time after time;

So I Made Pizza Today;

Yummy. :) Best day ever for the most part. Good talk with the little brother. More than one proposal from Dewey. Listening to Ian try to think of things he can cook. Daniel tying things in my hair and trying to braid it.

I love those brothers. <3

You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand;

And you know it's never simple, never easy

I don't regret anything. Nothing. Not a single second of loving the way you smile or the way you roll your eyes.

Nothing. <3

And when you smile at me, you know exactly what you do;

'cause you can see it when I look at you. :)

Dear Ian;

I hate your voicemail. :)

And if I'm addicted to loving you;

You make me want to keep going even when I don't want to. You are the greatest thing about me. :)

Well Then.

I didn't want to lose him, but I did.

I don’t know what I got myself into
I let myself go and kept loving you
I try and I fail no matter what I do
I thought I did good, but maybe it’s true


Everything you said
Everything I did
Everything you wanted
That I didn’t give


But I miss you tonight
I miss every laugh
I even miss the fights
And maybe it’s not right


But I’ll stand here shaking,
just waiting
waiting for you.

Listen to My Random Blabber;

Dewey (over the phone): "Hey, Phoebe! What's up?"

Me: "Hey... Which one is this?"

Dewey: "The cool one. Dewey."

I still cannot tell my friend's voices apart over the phone. Even when I call the Tolvos or the Brunnigs, whom I've been talking on the phone with for 6 years, I still can't tell which one is which. So no wonder I can't tell which of the boys is answering. :P

Anyway. I have no idea why I posted this. :D

I'll Do Whatever It Takes;

My amazing, loving, helpful little brother,

I know I shut down, I know I don't appear to respond sometimes, I know I can't think of anything to tell you to do better, but oh my goodness, I love you so much. I'm not sure how to tell you, but I do.
No matter what goes on, I know you've got my back. And you'll take care of me. And everything's gonna be okay.

I'm Sorry;

I wanted this. But it didn't want it like this. I want you to know that you're my best friend, I want you to know that that's all you ever were to me. I want you to know that I care about you, but I also want you to know that the hearts I draw all over my paper aren't for you. I want you to know that I love you, I also want you to know that it's as a brother in Christ. I want you to know that you truly are a beautiful person and a supercute kid, but I want you to know that the one I post cute pictures for just... isn't you.


But I didn't want it to happen like that. You're my best friend and I love you so much, I'm so sorry.

Dr. Pepper and Oatmeal Cookies;

My poison
My loves
My comfort
My medicine
My breakfast


What a healthy day. :)

Laugh Lines;

Today, I saw an advertisement offering the smoothing of smile lines from your face. I don't get that. When I think of myself as getting older, the thing I notice most is that my smile and laugh lines get more and more pronounced as I age. I think that's awesome. I don't ever want to get rid of my laugh lines. I would really like to look in a mirror one day and go "wow, I laughed so much, I have the lines to prove it". One of the most amazing people in my life has creases where he smiles. And that's beautiful to me. :)


So smile, and wear your laugh lines well.

Oh, the drama of being 7;

"Guess what? I'm not gonna let you come to my house anymore, or even pet my cats, or even hold them. And guess what? I was gonna let you have M&Ms at my house–M&Ms and marshmallows– but now I'm not. And guess what? I was gonna have you for a sleepover too, but now I'm not." –– 7 year old patron at my YMCA.


Wow, what I wouldn't give for those to be my problems. :p

I Just. No.

Okay, goodnight world. I want to listen to a heartbeat and I'm ready to cry, but it's okay. I hit the biggest low today, but I hit some highs too.
Aaand the battle between Happiness and Sadness rages on.

This;

Lila: White people have no rhythm! Hispanics can dance, Black people can clap-"
Owen: "And white people just try to enslave everyone."

Ian: "You can dance, but you have no coordination."
Me: "Okay?"

Me: "Lila eats like this 'nom nom nom', but Ian eats like this 'ASHWARGHASHARGH!'"

Ian: "See, I am the nice one."
Me: "You only look like the nice one because Dewey's your brother."
Ian: "Wow."
Me: "Ahaha, just kidding, I love him."

Ian: "Burger king? Oh, I don't have any money... you're not buying for me, that's just not right."

Is why I'm still going.

Um. The whole point of that was to let you know that I want you to talk to me. And I want to talk to you.

Kthxilybye.

Whatever.

What a hurtful word. It's only eight letters long, not very descriptive, it doesn't give a lot of details. And yet from that one little word, so many conclusions can be drawn. It's hard to hear, it implies that the person no longer cares about what you have to say. Such a general, harmless-looking word.

But somehow, it's just like a knife in the heart.

"Oh Mr. Steak, you're my only friend."

Just because God's given me the grace to move on doesn't mean I don't remember the pain.
You can let every mood swing become your reality, or you can trust that I'm right here. And that I'll always be right here.

This Is What Happens When It's Us;

Happiness. :) Tonight was a little bit funny, a little bit awkward, a little bit quiet, but mostly very, very pleasant.

Oh my lanta.

What a horrible day at work. Thank you, Lord, for lightning. Those boys are coming. :) Maybe Matt's party for a little bit afterward. Hopefully it'll be a good Saturday all in all.

Oh.

That's nice. :\

If You're Asking Why;

"Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but you have in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption: for you have cast all my sins behind your back." Isaiah 38:17

This is why you hurt. For peace.

I'm So Beyond Happy.

Frisbee was amazing tonight. I don't even have a nice, big word to describe it. It was purely and simply amazing. I haven't played a full out game where I actually have to challenge myself to play hard in a while. Yes, my breathing hated me by the middle of the game, but it got better. Those best friends of mine made some ridiculous catches, meaning freaking awesome! I want to do that again every single day of my life until I die.


On the downside, Ian stepped on my foot and now it's swollen. Thanks, Ian. :)

You Are My Sunshine;

The love of my life! :)

P.S. I stole this picture from his brother, Ian Taylor, and edited it. ;) It's from last winter, though. I need a more recent one.

And I'll Be So Alone Without You;

And maybe you'll be lonesome too.

Just remember 'til you're home again, you belong to me. :)

True Story;

I yell at the people I love more than the people I don't like. So if I yell at you, it doesn't mean I don't love you.

It just means I expect so much from you. :)

Believe Me;

Today is just another day of wishes.


One day, maybe I won't have to wish anymore. <3

I Get So High When You're With Me;

I love them so much. I never want to go home after being with them, 'cause I smile way too much, laugh way too hard, and get maybe just a little too happy. :)

No.

Why does everyone threaten to join the marines? I swear, I'm gonna shoot them all myself.

Secret #2

But I'll wait anyway. :)

Actually, life did come with instructions;

It's called the Bible. Read it. It'll make your life so much easier, I promise.

I Know You'll Carry Me When I Can't Walk;

And you can shake the mountains with a whisper,
And You, You speak
And I am so in love with you.


I'm so very deeply in love with my Savior, the only one who has all of me, every day, every little bit of my ripped up, beaten down, stepped all over heart.


I love Him so much. <3

I don't need a thing;

When the world comes crashing down
And the skies begin to fall,
I'll wait for you

I Want The Best for You

Even if the best thing for you is not me.

You're amazing, and I adore you. :)

The Starry Sky Offers a Better View if No Roof Is Overhead;

"Dear God, let your will be done... As long as it's my will."


That's usually my prayer. Not those exact words, of course, but while I say "let your will be done", but heart cries out for my will to be done.


Now maybe my will actually matches up with God's, and maybe it doesn't. Right now, my only answer is "wait".

Secret #1

You're the one I think about the most when I'm sitting in that Lifeguard chair. <3

This=My Life

Dear Ladies,

If you're the least bit like me, I can assume your self-esteem is not quite up to par, right? It's not quite up there to where you can, say, call yourself beautiful. 

One thing I tried a while ago was writing all over my bathroom mirrors with whatever I could find. Lipstick, since I don't wear it anyway, dry-erase markers, etc. I wrote encouraging things, bible verses and lines from songs. Every morning, I had something nice to wake up to and look at in the mirror, and it wasn't me. But then I looked past the writing and looked at the little, out-of-shape, brunette in the mirror. And she was kind of cute. Just saying.

Another thing to try is to look at yourself in the way you've been told you look good. This is going to sound conceited, but I get a lot of compliments on my hair. And I love my hair. I really do. Because I've learned to look at it the way other people look at it. One day someone told me my eyes were really pretty. I hated my eyes before that, but now, they're okay. One of my boys, Dewey, told me I looked like Sacajawea... I decided to take it as a compliment. :) Now that little brother of mine is working on convincing me that every part of me is beautiful. And that's hard.

Work in progress.

Ladies, you're lovely. Because God said so, and I said so. <3 Remind yourself, through mirrors or looking at yourself differently, or in your own, unique way.

Romans 12:15

"Rejoice with those who rejoice; Mourn with those who mourn."

This is the verse that's right up at the top of my blog. Kind of the motto? I don't know exactly, but it fits right in.

I don't exactly do so well with this verse. It's wonderful to try to make someone be happy, but I think I do it a little too much. I push the encouragement, almost to the point of telling them to stop being like that.

I think it's because I know sadness, I know pain, and I know what it's like when you fall too far. So I don't want anyone hitting that all time low, but still. I should learn to do what Romans 12:15 says.

My little brother is amazing at this. If I'm to the point of tears, he doesn't even try to say anything. He just lets me cry. And I go away feeling better than if he had tried to do a whole lot of encouraging, pep talks, whatever. And yeah, he gives me those too, but at the right times, when I'm open to listen to them.

So I'm gonna be working on learning how to do this verse. :)

Ohh. :)

So, I really love that family beyond measure. I'm so happy right now. And it's not like we did anything super exciting, just being around them makes me smile so big.

"You Better Shape Up, 'Cause I Need a Man"

And my heart is set on you!

You're the One That I Want from the Grease soundtrack. <33

Seasons are changing, and waves are crashing, and stars are falling all for us;

Best Friend!

We don't talk very much, there's a funny, happy kind of wall in place of what used to be, but I really love my best friend.

All I Got Are These Roses To Give;

Come back. You're not just an anyone, you're a someone and I need my someones. I fail, but come back anyway.

And they can't help me make amends...

Dear Little Brother;

Sometimes, I hate it when you love me.

Because when you do, I feel like I'm hogging love that the rest of the world should be getting. You have too much for it to be used up on so few. It's hiding under the hurt, but one day it's gonna come out and bam! The world is gonna be about a million times better. :)

I kinda did this already, but I'm doing it again;

Most people call me Phoebe
Some people call me friend
Special people call me Best Friend, Sissy, Bee, Little Bird, and CiCi

Happiness is:
Christ.
Best friends.
My little brother.
Sweet texts on bad days.
Good days.
Sleep.
Beautiful things.
Beach.
Music.
Ballroom dance.
Becoming.
Sunshine.
Doing things right.
Seeing that one boy.

Sadness is:
When I can't do anything right.
Drifting away from Christ.
When they're away from me for too long.
When I miss that one boy.
When I have too much homework.
When I'm tired.
When he depresses me constantly.
Dead butterflies.
Headaches.
Stress.

My favorite verses are:

 2 Corinthians 12:19

1 Chronicles 16:11

Romans 14:8

I am:

Happy

Sad

Easily upset

Easily pacified

Easily pleased

Easily trusted

Loved by an amazing God!

Head over heels

God is in every way my hero, my savior, and the one who ultimately makes me happy. I love him. :)

 Whether I live or die, I belong to Christ. <3

I Love This Little Man;

He's growing up. =']