I'm so tired of waiting. I waited my whole life. I met you. I couldn't have you then and I can't have you yet. And sure, maybe I can have you one day, but to quote: "Sure, we can sit and fantasize all we want about how things are gonna be different one day. But this is today. And it sucks."
I guess the fantasizing will have to be enough for today.

Hopes, you need to calm down. You know you always disappoint me.

I secretly sometimes hate it when you call me best friend. How am I your best friend when you treat me like I'm second-rate?

My Dear Future Husband;

I feel I owe you an apology. I'm sorry that when I wake up, I won't look like a movie star. I'll be as scarred and messed up as I really am. I'm sorry I didn't take care of myself when I was younger, so I have slight brown marks on my cheeks from all the acne. I won't be able to pull off anything sexy for you, so I hope you're content with t-shirts and shorts for pajamas and chill wear. When I take my makeup off to go to bed at night, I hope you don't mind that I have dark circles under these eyes that aren't even blue. I'm not blonde and I never will be, so I hope you like brown hair. I hope you're okay with a girl that always seems to have bloodshot eyes.
I hope that when I wake you up in the middle of the night because I can't sleep, need to cry, or need to talk, you won't wish you had a quieter wife. I hope that when I argue with you, you'll forgive me and still hold me at night. I hope you'll laugh and joke with me when my nights get hard. I hope that even if you never understand my past, you'll try to. I hope you'll be my best friend.
I'm sorry that when I have babies, I'll gain weight, cry about it, and then cry about trying to lose it. I'm sorry that sometimes, I won't be a good helpmate and I'll make you feel like crap. I'm sorry that sometimes, I won't be a good mommy and you'll have to step in after a long, hard day at work, and take care of the kids. I'm sorry, I won't always have the dinner ready, or even started, when you come home. Sometimes, I'll forget to iron your shirts, and sometimes there won't be socks in your drawer. The house will get messy and I'm sorry that I really hate doing the dishes.
I won't be hot. I won't be perfect. I won't even be good enough for you. But despite everything that's wrong with me, I will love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my whole life. I'll be your best friend and we'll work through fights. I'll hold you when your job gets too stressful. I'll kiss you in the morning when you leave, and at night when you come home. I'll hold your hand, even when we get old and gray.
I can only give you love. Is that enough?

Hey you.

Marry me.

I bleed my heart out just for you;

Don't do that. It makes me wanna marry you. :)

Just a few more years, darling.

You know that one day (or week, or month, or whatever period of time) that you keep thinking something, and you know it’s bad/wrong/horrible/degrading and everyone would hate you if they could read minds? You know those days when you pretty much hate yourself for that one thing that keeps running through your mind, but no matter what, it will not leave? You know those times when you’ve tried so hard to stop, but it just keeps coming?
Make it stop. Please. I am not this person.

I hate how unstable I am.

I love him.

Tom: "You're my best friend, you know that?"

ain't no sunshine when he's gone;

it's not warm when he's away.

I don't want this.

Weak is okay.

Weak is good.

I am weak.

Cry.

It's okay.

2 Corinthians 12:9

Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?

You're cute.

I could think of a lot of nicknames for you.

There are a lot of things I would love to say to you.

But no matter what you are to me in the future,

the best You will always be

My Best Friend.

Skype lost connection.
I miss my best friends.

When it all becomes too much, you're never far behind;

My birthday is in a week and I still haven't figured out anything to do. :/

Some people wonder why my posts aren't exactly steered towards the good of humanity.
My answer? It's good for my humanity. I need somewhere to let it all out.
Unfortunately, I can't quite do that here, but I can do a good amount of it.
So, be chill with it. It's mine. I put what I want. :)

Everything I am is tied to grace.
The good, an overwhelming amount.
The bad, a lack of faith in it.
I'm still working on making the former overcome the latter.

Zumba'd myself into an asthma attack. That's cool.
Thank God for new inhalers.

Cheesecakee. <33

I need to make myself waterproof.

When I look at you, I can feel it.

Oh, that's why I'm still waiting. <3

Marry Me.

Today and every day.

Christmas night. Rockin' my pjs from my best friendd. Nomming on leftovers. Playing my favorite board game. Sneezing my life away.
Best Christmas everr.

In the words of my best friend: "Jesus all day erry day". <3

Today, I realized that if I love the Lord with my whole entire heart, it's too strong for stupid people to break it.
Best. Day. Ever.

I want to go to bed. Everything looks better in the morning.

My heart is sinking but there are no tears.
I guess that's okay.

P.S. to anyone who's reading this;
If you're happy. If you're sad. If you're broken. If you're messed up. If you're jumping up and down in anticipation for Christmas tomorrow. If you love your family. If you just can't get along with your family. If your hair is any color of the rainbow. If you have brown, blue, green, gray or any other color eyes. If you're married. If you're dating. Single. Waiting. If you're okay with where you are in life. If you're not okay with it. If you love dogs and hate cats or vice versa. Even if you hate both. If you think you're pretty or handsome. If you don't think so. If someone gives you butterflies. If that someone was someone you didn't expect. If it's your best friend. If no one gives you butterflies. If you're glad no one gives you butterflies. If you wish someone did. If you're angry. If you're sad. If you're a girl. Even if you're a boy.


You're beautiful. And it'll be okay, I promise. Keep holding on.

I feel like I should have a whole lot to say. But I don't really have anything to say. Except, I have an amazing God and he has gotten me through today with no breakdowns. Not even over something silly like not being able to find something, which seems to be such a frequent occurrence with me. He got us here safely. I have time to rest for about a week and a half, and maybe get my bloodshot eyes to go clear again. That would be cool. And umm... what else? Oh, I love skype. <3 And I love my aunt who is coming tomorrow! :D So excited to see her.
I'm hungry, wtc? I just ate dinner... like three hours ago.
Oh yeah and p.s. I miss him already and it's been 25 hours. :/ But it's okay, 'cause this will go by fast, and I'll be all the more excited to see him smile. :)

Hey Darling;

I hope you're good tonight. <3

Best. Song. Ever. VV

Joy, Joy!

Finally chilling at my late great-grandparents' house. Just being here is cool, but there are so many places in this house I've never been. Guess I have to be adventurous and go exploring.

Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.

I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.
Nbd.

I know one thing; that I love you. <3

loljk, a roach just crawled across my bed. I have to change my sheets and then try to fall asleep after that.

Finally done with my boys' present. Going to bed, then going to see them in the morning. <3

Ryan Alan Webster;

We've definitely had our ups and downs, and we've fought, and we've definitely considered not being friends anymore, but right now, it's all good. We made it. We did it. 
Happy birthday, bestie! <3

Tom: "Ugh, $2.99 for gas. I hate everybody."
Ahahah <3. ^My best friendd.

Survivor: Nicaragua!! :D

I'm super happy. Nbd. :)

Waiting for you could end up being the best or worst decision of my entire life.
I hope it's the best.
It will be the best.

You're pretty much the best thing that ever happened to me. Just saying. <3

I hate my phone.
Trying to listen to a voicemail three times. THREE TIMES. And it shuts off every. time.
Kill.

Ajskasdjksdf...
Of course I think of something I want when my birthday and christmas are already too close.
http://store.fallingwhistles.com/products/the-original
^^THIS. Imma have to buy it for myself.

My enemies retreated; they staggered and died when you appeared.

See, this is what happens when you cross my mind.

I get all silly.

And cheesy.

And honestly, I like this part of me that you bring out so well.

We'd be cute.

Really.

So Imma take a shower, and then come up with a cute story in my notebook.
kNightyWorld. :)

Because one day,

we'll be cute.

Like this:

Or this:

Or even this:

Imma marry you.

kgreat. :)

What is my problem?
Geez.

and I promised you I wouldn't.

and so.

I don't.

there once was a little girl;

and sometimes she was lonely.

and sometimes she was happy.

and sometimes she didn't know what she was.

she loved roses.

and hearts.

and the ocean.

and pretty things.

and she hated

heights.

and the dark.

and things that made her cry.

and

one day

she met

a little boy.

and 

she knew

that

one day

she would

marry

him.

and the little girl was
not lonely anymore.
she was
 happy.

Ugh, I totally deserved an A in my speech class.

Whatevvs.

I will settle for nothing less.

Quite frankly, you're amazing. And waiting for someone like you is totally worth it.

3 A's so far, and two B+. Which, knowing how well I usually do in math and science, that's amazing. Just one more grade hasn't been posted (Speech).

But it's looking good. :)

Oh, empty my heart, I've got to make room for this feeling.
So much bigger than me.

At the moment, I'm so content that I'm not even impatient for the things I'm waiting for.

You may need me to carry all your weight; but you're no burden, I assure.

What I thought would be one of the worst days of my life turned out to be one of the best days I have ever had.

I can't do it. I can't.

Finals to study for:
- Math D:
- Science :(
- Humanities :/

Okay, I don't know if it's just stress or what. But I feel like I'm about to have a fever at night, then I wake up and I'm fine.
Stress plays with my mind and body. Awesome sauce.

Yeah, I do change the lyrics of songs to fit my life, write my own cheesy poems, make wishes over railroad tracks and on 11:11, study so hard and fail so well. I write in a journal at random moments, and if you ever read it, you'd know how silly, sappy and deep I can be. I sing really loud to songs in the car when I'm by myself. I love my kitty cat. I collect everything anyone every gives me, my room looks like a treasure chest full of special, yet "useless" things. The jewelry I wear every day, every piece comes from someone special. My notebook cannot stay free of doodles. I am hopelessly head over heels for a boy that I am pretty sure I will marry one day.
Yeah, I have dealt with depression so bad that I wanted to end my life, self-esteem so low I thought no one cared. Nights are still hard, even with the hope I so dearly hold on to. I take a lot for granted, and over-complicate everything.
But whether I live or die, I belong to Christ.
I am different.
And if that's not the kind of girl the world wants?
Sucks for them.

He knows that goodbye means nothing at all, comes back and makes him catch her every time she falls. <3

People couldn't believe what I've become.

I've been freezing all day long, and now finally, I can return to my most amazing best friend ever: my warm bed.
I love you, bed. <3

To the next DJ who plays "Just The Way You Are" on the radio: I am going to find you and beat you.

To be honest, I just don't want to do this anymore;

It's really surprising how much stress can affect my thinking.

You're the sound of the people singing, it's Your Love.

Secret #24;

Sometimes, all I can really think about is how much better everything would be if I was doing it with you.

Really wish my Tommy was over here doing this stupid test with me, but hey.

There he goes, so perfectly. The kind of flawless I wish I could be.

You tide me over, with a warmth I'll not forget.
But I can only give you love.

Church with my buddy, work with my favorites, drama with the Cast, bible study with the bestfriends, hot cocoa with my bubbas.
My. Life. Is. Awesome.

Thought of something for my best friend's birthday next Saturday! I'm a genius.

"I just haven't met you yet!"

I used to love this song.
Then I met you.
I've met you, you just don't know it yet.
<3

Hate. Shopping.

So darling, save the last dance for me.

To be honest, I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have the ACT in the morning and I totally forgot.

I'm gonna die.

I never got to say goodbye to him. How on earth am I going to get through this christmas in his house?

I'm just a puppet on a lonely string;

So I'm writing a speech on communication problems in the workplace.
And as I'm pondering this, my English two teacher is telling me how her speech class gets to have an oral final, with the topic being saying good-bye in relationships. AND they get the guy who won Hell's Kitchen, the TV show, coming in to make their class a celebration meal.
I remember hating her English two class.
But holy cow, that sounds like so much fun. I wanna go back and do it again.

December never felt so long;

Only one more week of school, but this may prove to be the hardest week of all.
We shall see if I make it out sane.
Or alive.

Oh. Kthanks.

Water's getting harder to tread;

I'm not everything you've ever wanted;

I'm not flawless and I don't laugh all the time. I don't have everything going for me. I don't have clearly defined talents. I don't look good in everything. Sometimes, I'm not that friendly. I get extremely sensitive when I'm tired. She's got everything that I have to live without.
But I am something. And admittedly, I'm not that bad.
His power is made perfect in my weakness.
Beat that.

You don't need a catchy song, 'cause the kids will sing along when you shoot it with a smile.

Hey little caterpillar;

Such a pretty caterpillar
I know that you're gonna be
a beautiful butterfly someday.
But I dunno if that's gonna happen,
because I have decided


To feed you to the fire ants!

I hate boys. Why are they so hard to find presents for?
And why do I have like 6 of them to buy for? :(

'Cause when you feel like you're done, and the darkness has won, baby you're not lost. <3

My Bear is coming home the 23 + I'm leaving the 23rd = I hate my life. :(

Remember those walls I built? Well baby, they're tumbling down.

Tried to watch Inception on Apple TV, but it kept getting stuck. :( I like DVDs so much better.

"See you in the morning––Maybe! I don't know!"

If I could believe, the dreams aside, I am capable of more than it seems.

Marry her or marry me, I'm the one that loves you. Baby, can't you see?

When Barrett Nowell Nugent prays, the world gets about 10x brighter.

I just don't wanna do this anymore. I have a perfect day, and then at the end, it all falls apart.

You always find a flaw in me.

I'm not trying to be disrespectful. And if they read this, they're gonna kill me, but I'm not trying to be any more of "bad kid", I'm just saying. My curfew is 10. Clearly, if I haven't called to ask if I can be later, I'll be in at 10. Please don't yell at me. Kthanks.

Revolutionaries wait for my head on a silver plate. <3

Some days I don't feel like trying. Some days you know I wanna just give up.

These butterflies just don't go away. :)

Just when I think I'm gonna give up;

There you go makin' my heart beat again, heart beat again, heart beat again.

I need you, Jesus. Come to my rescue.

Just stay strong.

Lost two of my math lessons that took me FOREVER (and I get extra credit for those, too!). Spilled my drink on all my science papers. Haven't gotten around to my rebuttal speech for debate. I'm all scratched up from putting up Christmas trees, and it hurts! Made people mad today. Had a huge bout of discouragement last night.
But you know what? I'm happy. And the Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

Man, I suck at life.

I can't even go a day without hurting someone or making someone mad. Awesome.

I was hoping to get some homework done today.
Yeah, right.
Naptime! :D

Happy Birthday, Mommy! <3

Trees!

^Tree number onee^

 ^The gold tree^

 ^Tree number two^

 ^Outside tree^

 ^Tree number three^

^Downstairs tree^

Tree number 3. Man, that took all day.

Tree numbaa 2 up, but not finished yett.

Tree number one up! Bring on the sneezing.

Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes.
I never really had a chance.

Dear Future Husband;

I know this is very silly, and quite cheesy too. But to be honest, I can't wait to cook and clean and iron your shirts and give you babies and take care of you when you're sick and be your helpmate and... just everything.
So please, hurry up. I know I'm only 17, but I've waited my whole entire life for you. That's a long time.

When I didn't know what I wanted, there was a blaring opportunity for something good. I turned it down in favor of something better.
But now, when I know what I want, there's nothing to turn down.
Yet.

My sister, my Bear, and my Rae encourage me. My kitty cat warms up my bed for me. My Mama cooks yummy food. My little sunshine is precious. My big sunshine and his best friend are just plain fun to be around. My little brother always wants to make sure I'm okay.
Yeah, I have a good life.

"You know what? Your name means 'bright and shining'. It fits you, 'cause you are like a little sunshine walking around. Wherever you go, you light up the room and bring a smile to everyone's face."
Love my Bear. He gives me hope.

Discouraged.
But I have hope.
Seek first the Kingdom of God, and his righteousness.
And all these things will be added unto you.

I'm not giving up.
But I've waited. And watched. And prayed.
I'll keep doing it, as long as it takes.
But how much longer do I have to wait?

Let Love be your guide.

Computer, play my movie!

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.

Be a best friend,
tell the truth
And overuse "I love you".

(Taylor took Danny's spot. Danny glares at me.)

Me: "Snugglebug! I'm sorry, that was Taylor!"

Danny: "No. You threw me under the bus. So now-" (sits down by Lila) "-I'm throwing you under the semi."

:(

They are definitely the best. :)

There's pretty much nothing worse than not understanding.
Because right now, not only do I not understand Spanish, Math, or Science, I also don't understand why.
Why?

I have no idea what I'm doing.

the moonlight shows us for what we really are.